Yes, and … But
If you’re a facilitator or coach, you’re probably aware of the “Yes, and …” protocol. If you’re not, “Yes, and …” is a technique from improvisational theater/comedy where two players in a scene begin all of their responses to each other with “Yes, and …” before making their own contributions. As the back and forth continues, the players slowly build a scene together without a script or input from a director. The main goals are creativity and spontaneity.
For example:
Player One: Work is so tiring. I need a vacation.
Player Two: Yes, a vacation, and we should go to the beach and hang out with Snoop Dog and Andy Samberg!
Player One: Yes, and we’ll introduce them to a whole new world of good adult beverages.
Player Two: Yes, and we’ll all be besties forever!
In improvisational comedy, “Yes, and …” scenes can become ridiculous very quickly.
Using “Yes, and …” in a business context can create the same type of creativity and collaboration as it does in theater. At the very least, it’s not a blocker to conversation like “No” or “Yes, but …”
That Word You Keep Using
As a coach and facilitator, I champion the use of “Yes, and ,...” as a communication and trust building tool. When people know that they can share ideas without fear of blockers, they are more willing to share them.
“Yes, and …” is one of the best tools to build healthy teams and promote collaboration.
So why do I hear it sometimes and wince?
Inigo Montoya said it best …
The word in question here is “and.” I’ve witnessed far too many instances when I hear “Yes, and …” when the speaker is actually saying “Yes, but …”
How do I know?
Two ways:
Because I find it such an effective tool, I pay close attention when I hear it
I ask
I listen for intent and subtext in the words used, the way they’re delivered, and the way they land. If I’m not sure, I’ll ask for clarification by saying something like, “You said ‘Yes, and …’ but then seemingly disagreed. Could you tell me more about that?”
Over the years, I’ve gotten pretty good at finding “Yes, but …” in “Yes, and …” clothing. So can you. Often it’s simply a matter of emphasis.
Have you ever heard someone say, “Yes, AND …” with great emphasis on “and”? Well, that’s a “Yes, but …” in disguise. The “and” is emphasized because they essentially disagree with what was said, but they also want to lessen the sting of it. They want to make their “AND” more important than what was offered.
For example:
Speaker One: That’s why we should better support employee development through company-sponsored professional development.
Speaker Two: Yes, AND that will get expensive quickly.
Speaker Two has clearly heard my pitch on the power of “Yes, and …”, but did they master the intent or just the words? Are they agreeing? Are they saying “no”?
Don’t Confuse “Yes” with Blind Acceptance
So how are we supposed to disagree if all we say is “Yes, and …”? I’m not saying you shouldn’t disagree. Disagreement is necessary. It’s healthy and often the birthplace of great ideas.
I’m saying don’t disagree right away, and when you do, don’t do it without curiosity. “Yes, and …” isn’t about you. It’s about the other person and what they’re offering. That’s why it’s such a powerful collaboration tool. It puts your opinion aside in order to work with what’s been presented or, in the case of disagreement, to learn more.
Consider this alternate response to the scenario above:
Speaker Two: Yes, I hear our need for more professional development, and could you tell me more about how we would fund this initiative?
No, It’s Not Easy
And that’s the point! “No” is easy. “Yes, but …” is easy. They don’t require work, just opinions.
“Yes, and …” isn’t easy. It takes work. It takes listening to understand and not listening to respond. It takes putting aside your immediate reaction. It takes the sincere desire to create an atmosphere of trust and safety where ideas are freely shared and worked into better outcomes.
So even if you already use “Yes, and …”, please make sure that word means what you think it means.
